Top Ten Carnival Costume “Problems”

  1. Ash Wednesday ApathyThe feeling that comes over you when you wake up and confront the wreckage of your costuming escapades. The contents of your costume closet are strewn all over the house. There are wigs scattered all over the floors from where you ripped them off the minute you got home. Your hot glue gun has dripped all over the table. Tiny feathers waft through the air, bits of sequins and rhinestones can be found in the strangest of places, and glitter is, well, everywhere. And why is there a fake eyelash in the refrigerator? It’s the hangover to the hangover. Where is the Mardi Gras fairy who makes it all better?
  1. The Mask DilemmaYou want to roll incognito but you also want to talk/drink/eat/smoke/make out without taking off your mask..can’t we just have it all?
  1. “It makes sense when I’m with my group I swear!” You and your four to forty friends were a sight to behold in your matching ensembles, re-creation of a movie cast, or whimsical take on the latest pop culture phenomenon, but you got lost on a bathroom odyssey (see problem #2) and they left you. Now you are just a lone context-less character and no one understands what the hell you are wearing.
  1. The Disintegrating Costume. It’s a marathon, but your costume couldn’t go the distance. Whether from falling apart or your inability to keep up with the twenty different accessories you piled on yourself, sometimes your costume just gives out before you do. Hey, it just means you have less to clean up on Ash Wednesday!
  1. “I’ll finish my costume after the parade.” It seemed totally reasonable when you told yourself you would come home from the parade and finish your costume, but then you had _____ drinks and a dance party on the neutral ground, such and such showed up and you wanted to hang out, then you went to catch the __________ show and danced and drank some more. I’ll start on my costume in August this year you swear.
  1. The Aching Head. Wig itch, too heavy headpieces, bobby pins digging into your scalp, headbands squeezing your temples like a vice…it’s not just the cocktails giving you that headache.
  1. Footwear FiascosYou know you have a footwear fiasco when you seriously consider a barefoot walk on New Orleans’ streets. It’s not easy to find shoes that go with your costume, can withstand hours upon hours of dancing in the street, and that won’t leave you feeling like you walked on hot coals all day.
  1. No F-ing Pockets!!! It’s hard enough keeping up with all your shit when partying for a week (or more). Add in the costume factor and you really set yourself up for a challenge. Who wants to carry a purse? Can you pull off the fanny pack if it’s cute? Can you rely on your party or parade partner to be your sherpa? (Answer: NO!!) You want to leave your phone at home but how will you take all those blurry pictures of your friends? And how will you text your group when they leave you in the bathroom? The only silver lining to this problem is that unlike in real life, costumed men struggle with this problem just as much as women.
  1. How Ya Gonna Pee? Tights + Fishnets + Outfit that has to be totally removed for you to pee + All the accessories that have to be taken off to get to the outfit that has to be totally removed + Alcohol = A bathroom experience that is an epic odyssey every time. You know when you walk up to a long bathroom line of costumed revelers that you are in for a test of your patience and bladder control.
  1. The Cold & Rainy Fat TuesdayYou spent a month creating the most amazing costume for Mardi Gras day only to wake up and discover Carl Arredondo announcing that a cold front has moved in overnight and it’s 43 degrees and dumping rain with a potential for hail. Suddenly your fabulous costume is covered up by a coat and your larger than life feathered headpiece looks like a sad, wet chicken on your head. There is always next year you say. Laissez le bon temps rouler!!

3 comments

  1. Nola Howard

    Not to mention the angst you feel on Fat Tuesday when you see all these hilarious and timely costume ideas that now seem so obvious. Unfortunately, they weren’t as obvious two weeks ago.

  2. Lady Merry

    Let’s not forget Uber X+X+X’s it’s fare but you still pay it because you have hit that ever loving wall !!!

  3. E. Thomas

    I always find it funny when I have this simple cost effective costume idea that turns into hundreds of dollars later as I keep tweaking it and then realize I need the makeup to match…and yes, as mentioned above, the shoes….and what about a wig??? hair accessories??? Oh yeah, jewelry that needs to be accessorized…I could go on, but won’t.

    If only my kids were as into dressing up as I am! I swear I am 4 years old, want pink hair, believe in fairies, may have been a mermaid in a previous life, and think heaven may not be in the clouds, but in the streets of New Orleans and fluffy like cotton candy!

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